"A mature couple often faces the process of not knowing how to get along with their partner when their children become adults." If the couple is busy, have not had a common love or affair for a long time, or even don't know what the other party usually does, and become familiar and unfamiliar companions, "At this time, you have to ask yourself, how do you lose interest in each other?" said Shi Zhixin, a consultant psychologist.
Having worked in a partner consultant for many years, Shi Zhixin has been involved in various issues related to partner relationships: affair, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, education, breakup, reunion, and different values; however, in the mature stage, if there is no basic common topic, what is the meaning and value of this relationship?
"Although there is no common topic or interest, it does not mean that there will be conflicts, but it may be an inconsistency." He said, "It may be impossible to regain the sense of happiness, but it can become a companionship for each other in the future."
However, if you want to maintain such a relationship, you must strive to build trust, security, and consolidate the common space established by each other, and think about how to communicate when conflicts occur, and how to respect and tolerate each other's differences? In this regard, Shi Zhixin points out several landmines related to marriages after aging, to clear mines for everyone.
For marriages after age, please eliminate 4 related mines: dismissal, accusation, complaints, criticisms
The above behaviors are very harmful to the relationship and should be avoided.
Shi Zhi's new explanation, when his partner is repeatedly distrustful and suspicious, he will feel suppressed and no longer reveal his heart, thus he will be defensive, refuse to communicate, and make the other party feel pushed.
Therefore, when there are differences in the relationship, you should pay more attention to whether your words are sarcastic and aggressive. "Don't force the other party to win." He reminds every couple that if they always want to tell the reason why the other party must know that the wrong may cause their partner to no longer communicate with you in the future, it will turn into "cold violence."
If you have a mature marriage, you will no longer fall in love with it. Should you become a companionship or divorce?
When there is "cold violence" in the relationship, we can think about the reasons for the other party's cold violence. On the one hand, we eliminate the above four related landmines, and on the other hand, we try to understand their growth relationship, which may copy the quarrel pattern of past parents. Shi Zhixin shared, "Cold violence may just want to remain silent, or don't know how to respond at this moment." When cold violence sprouts in relationships, we must be right about this relationship crisis. If we ignore it, it may slowly move towards parallel lines without intersection.
Therefore, if you want to restore order from a chaotic relationship, you can first ask if you are interested in each other and do not want to spend time together? "If you don't want to separate, you have to adjust your disappointment."
No separation, the considerations may be that the child's growth, the family's growth needs manual care, or the old age needs company, or the other party can provide economic protection; in contrast, you can accept the other party's imperfection, sometimes coldness, and lack of hearing. After re-evaluating, measure how much disappointment you can accept to the minimum, so that if you are in a dull relationship, you don’t have to go to separation.
"Everyone has a blue picture in life, and marriage is the same." Shi Zhixin said that love does not require more than who has paid, but when entering the empty nesting period or retirement stage, couples must constantly think about whether the path of the two people is still on the same line. "If you are already walking in a parallel line that cannot be intersected, you must choose whether you can find the intersection, or divide the path into different ways."
If you still have emotions about your relationship but have many problems, in addition to adjusting your expectations, you can also consider asking for help from marriage counselors, allowing cold violence and distracting thoughts to be slowly solved. "Maybe there are no past strong emotions, but at least they will be the company and care for each other's old age."
Do you encourage a mature person to remarry?
Even if you have a love for a marriage, you will have many ordinary daily life. Therefore, you must have your own interests, preferences, and social circles to add new life opportunities. You can use community software and community activities to find friends who are in harmony, cultivate different focus of life, and let complaints and loss have a place to place and resolve complaints and loss. "It is also very important to value yourself, and you must learn to recognize your own value from the bottom of your heart."
Shi Zhixin encourages everyone who is familiar with a small body to find their second life's other half. "If you remarry after a mature age, you should pay more attention to what you care about. Can you give each other?" What's wrong with having a good company in your old age? "I sometimes see senior couples still fighting on the road, which is very touching." Shi Zhixin believes that being able to grow old together is mostly because his companions often reflect on each other and know how to find highlights on each other, and even share and listen.
And such couples mostly have a difficult revolutionary feeling together, and they feel the feeling of being valued, not being discarded, and being needed in their hearts. "One party feels that they can protect each other, while the other party can realize that they can provide emotional support." These couples do not have any conflicts in life, but after each fight, they still do not affect the essence of relationship and know more about the importance of connection..
Only then did I realize that a happy marriage after a mature age is the true love of having a family life and making sacrifices, and after I have experienced the love of having another person, supporting, grateful, being seen, or perhaps not strong. It is the true love of the year after my age.
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