When your partner is always acclaimed in the conversation, how will you react? In the book "Insight into the Heart from Speak", Lin Cuifen, a professional consultant psychologist, explored this problem in depth. She put forward an important point: When someone often speaks in a bad way, how does this affect your relationship, trust, and emotional connection? Lin Cuifen explained that in occasional interactions, such words and deeds may not cause too much problem. However, in cooperation or relationships, such untrue remarks may cause people to doubt their own judgment. She further analyzed the psychological movements behind the "exaggeration" and had profound meanings for understanding human interaction and maintaining health relations.
Longing for other people's concernsMy friend Maomao unfortunately encountered a minor traffic accident on his way to work, but he was very upset to his colleagues, saying that he was almost shaking his brain, and he made this contribution to his daily good deeds. When a detailed colleague asked him to describe the scene of the accident to clear the responsibility, Maomao vaguely said that the scene was in a mess. In fact, this so-called "linked car" is just a story fabricated by Maomao to attract attention. This reflects that in order to gain attention, some people often use annoying and tragic remarks.
{9 His cakes are very professional, which surprised me like a newbie in the housework. However, a colleague wondered whether the cake was really handmade by a friend, and believed it was very similar to the cake in a certain store. This will make me wonder if I should ask the truth. But in the end, we decided not to pursue the matter. No matter what, the friend's intentions are the most important. As time goes by, I meet more and more people who are acclaiming great things in order to gain praise. They either express their achievements or boast about being versatile, but in fact they just understand the basics. These experiences made me realize that there are actually no small number of people who long for others to recognize and listen to. Desire to make people look at each other with admirationA friend of mine always wears famous brands, wears expensive watches, and drives millions of sporting cars, leaving a rich impression on people. However, those who know the truth know that he is actually burdened and often maintains this luxurious lifestyle through credit cards. Not only did he wear luxury, he also liked to be generous, often bragging about his position and influence in front of others, saying that he was the company's management, possessing huge power and wide range of people. The real movement behind this behavior is to hope that others will regard him as an important person and give him special treatment and respect. This reflects a psychological state of desire to be recognized and respected.
In this era of "packaging", everyone is not afraid of being a little bit bigger, otherwise others will think that what you say is "not interesting" or "not weighty". Therefore, when you just know someone, the first lesson you need to do is to test how credible the other party is?
Test Method ⑴: First remove all the "adjectives" in his words, and then regroup the "facts" again
How credible is it to judge a person's words? My strategy is: first delete all "adjectives" in the other party's words, and then reconstruct the story with the remaining "facts". If my direct doubt that this story is too annoying or logically unreasonable, I will further verify the difference between the other party's words and facts. This may be totally fabricated, or just partially acclaimed. When I find that someone often talks, I will be reserved about their words, especially when it comes to work-related matters, and need to be cautiously verified.
Test Method⑵: Determine the truth from detailed explanation
In my course, I specifically guide the corporate personnel department to identify possible dangerous behaviors of seekers. Many professionals face a difficult problem: how to determine whether the seeker's words matches the future work performance in the interview, so as to prevent them from over-reaching their abilities during the interview, and actually failing to meet expectations, resulting in company losses. Quote the interview experience of Tesla founder Mask, who concludes inquiries during the interview with the experience of seeking jobs to solve difficult problems in the past, because people who are truly capable of solving problems can describe the process and key points in detail. He also pointed out that people who have truly experienced difficulties will not easily forget those painful experiences.
Testing Method⑶: Pay attention to whether the person who speaks will be influenced by the audience's reaction
Another evaluation method I use is to observe whether the speaker is affected by the audience's reaction. People who often say vocals tend to pay great attention to the reactions of listeners and adjust their opinions based on these reactions. This is like writing an essay, and when memorizing the essay, it will use more adjectives to increase the appeal of the story, otherwise it will be like a boring stream of books. However, when writing a statement, you should not be too overly exaggerated. You must stick to the facts to avoid making people feel unreal, which is important in building a sense of trust.
Expression change, art changes newWhen you find that your speech has a great direction, you can try to remove unrelated adjectives and focus on describing the visual facts in detail. For example, when someone asks you to help find a job, you might have said, "I know many big bosses of listed companies that can quickly help you arrange positions, as simple as ordering delivery." But in fact, it should be changed to a more practical language: "I have friends' companies that may have job opportunities, and I will understand the situation before notifying you." This can avoid raising others' expectations through high ground, reducing their own pressure, and maintaining others' trust in you, which will help maintain friendship and respect for the long term.